Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Korey came home

I loved seeing Korey's smiling face when I got home from school today. I just feel so much more at peace when he's around. I'm not about to quote Jerry Maguire here or anything. No "You complete me"s or "You had me at hello"s. I, personally, have never subscribed to the belief that God makes partial people. I am completely whole and have been since the day I first took that fateful trip down the fallopian tube. 

I never dated anyone before Korey, and there came a time in my early 20's where I finally came to the conclusion that I may never get married. I scoured the Bible for promises from God and found oh so many things but somehow I never came across a verse that said, "and I shall provide a husband for you." And so I did the craziest, most radical thing I could think of. I decided, "I am not dating anyone for a year." Yes. That's right. I said it. My mother and father were so upset about it and I didn't know what to say so I just laughed. No one had wanted to date me for 20 years. So what did it matter if I had one more year of singleness on purpose? It was empowering and, honestly, I was fairly certain it wouldn't be my last.

I started each day by praying out loud saying, "God, You are enough for me." I certainly didn't feel that way when I first started saying it, but toward the end of that year, it became so very true. I started making plans for myself. I started dreaming about the life I would have alone and free. Free to travel. Free to live in a foreign country. Free to adopt a child or children because having one loving parent is better than having none at all. I was dreaming up my Calcutta (reference is to Mother Teresa. She was amazing. You should read all about her.) My whole mindset changed. And despite what my parents thought, that I would miss my one chance at love should he come calling while I was on the crazy train to Calcutta, I didn't get asked on a single date. (I know. I was shocked too.) I just felt in my heart that I was not really ready to be in love, and looking back on who I was back then, I was right. I needed to have my own life before tying it down to someone else's. I needed to know what it felt like to be independent, to be free.  I needed to learn to be fearless and I was, most days. I became so fearless in fact that when Korey finally did show up on my door step, I wouldn't date him. 

He was so sweet and persistent. He made me CDs. He invited me to dinner. He told me I was beautiful.  He asked me to come to his small group. I was so fearless as a singleton, but the thought that he could genuinely want to date me filled me with doubt. I was afraid that what might turn out as a very good friendship with a fun, funny, sweet guy would be ruined by me falling for him. The inevitable ending would be to have my heart crushed with a swift kick from a shiny steel toed boot. (*ahum* of course that's never happened to me before *cough*) Fortunately, Korey was up for the challenge and after a few weeks, I knew I was hooked, boot or no boot. 

Now I have seen both the patches of thick green grass and the patches of dry red Georgia clay that lay on each side of the fence that divides us marrieds from the unmarrieds. 

So now here I am, my Calcutta tucked away in my heart with many other dreams that won't come true. And lying next to me, sound asleep is my travel weary coauthor of my new dreams, and aren't they sweet. And aren't they as grand as Calcutta. And doesn't this grass feel so very green.

It's so good to have Korey home again.


3 comments:

  1. You should write books! So glad he's back home for ya!

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  2. thanks Jess. That's so sweet!

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  3. I'm so glad God put you in each other's lives.

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