Friday, July 30, 2010

A few days before Korey came home, we had our class picnic. It was one of my favorite parties that our class has put together. We rented a picnic area at a local park and it was the perfect little spot. It had two grills  that we used to grill hamburgers and hotdogs, a fishing pier, and a dock to swim off of. 

Jeff helped us get started grilling and we were so thankful for his help. He is married to my friend Megan who we surprised for her birthday a few blog entries ago. 

I didn't get a great picture of them together but they brought their sweet new baby and I did get a ton of pictures of him. 

Of course everyone wanted to hold him. 

and Ben just wanted to pet him....

What a cutie!

We had a ton of food

And I made homemade oreos from the blog smitten kitchen. 

I even stamped them this time so that they would look more like true oreos

We ate, and hung out, and played cornhole on the boards that Korey made.

And then we walked to the lake and hung out on the dock.

A few people got in the water voluntarily.

And some...not so voluntarily....

There was fishing too. 

It was a fun day. I only wish that Korey could have come too. 

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Korey came home

I loved seeing Korey's smiling face when I got home from school today. I just feel so much more at peace when he's around. I'm not about to quote Jerry Maguire here or anything. No "You complete me"s or "You had me at hello"s. I, personally, have never subscribed to the belief that God makes partial people. I am completely whole and have been since the day I first took that fateful trip down the fallopian tube. 

I never dated anyone before Korey, and there came a time in my early 20's where I finally came to the conclusion that I may never get married. I scoured the Bible for promises from God and found oh so many things but somehow I never came across a verse that said, "and I shall provide a husband for you." And so I did the craziest, most radical thing I could think of. I decided, "I am not dating anyone for a year." Yes. That's right. I said it. My mother and father were so upset about it and I didn't know what to say so I just laughed. No one had wanted to date me for 20 years. So what did it matter if I had one more year of singleness on purpose? It was empowering and, honestly, I was fairly certain it wouldn't be my last.

I started each day by praying out loud saying, "God, You are enough for me." I certainly didn't feel that way when I first started saying it, but toward the end of that year, it became so very true. I started making plans for myself. I started dreaming about the life I would have alone and free. Free to travel. Free to live in a foreign country. Free to adopt a child or children because having one loving parent is better than having none at all. I was dreaming up my Calcutta (reference is to Mother Teresa. She was amazing. You should read all about her.) My whole mindset changed. And despite what my parents thought, that I would miss my one chance at love should he come calling while I was on the crazy train to Calcutta, I didn't get asked on a single date. (I know. I was shocked too.) I just felt in my heart that I was not really ready to be in love, and looking back on who I was back then, I was right. I needed to have my own life before tying it down to someone else's. I needed to know what it felt like to be independent, to be free.  I needed to learn to be fearless and I was, most days. I became so fearless in fact that when Korey finally did show up on my door step, I wouldn't date him. 

He was so sweet and persistent. He made me CDs. He invited me to dinner. He told me I was beautiful.  He asked me to come to his small group. I was so fearless as a singleton, but the thought that he could genuinely want to date me filled me with doubt. I was afraid that what might turn out as a very good friendship with a fun, funny, sweet guy would be ruined by me falling for him. The inevitable ending would be to have my heart crushed with a swift kick from a shiny steel toed boot. (*ahum* of course that's never happened to me before *cough*) Fortunately, Korey was up for the challenge and after a few weeks, I knew I was hooked, boot or no boot. 

Now I have seen both the patches of thick green grass and the patches of dry red Georgia clay that lay on each side of the fence that divides us marrieds from the unmarrieds. 

So now here I am, my Calcutta tucked away in my heart with many other dreams that won't come true. And lying next to me, sound asleep is my travel weary coauthor of my new dreams, and aren't they sweet. And aren't they as grand as Calcutta. And doesn't this grass feel so very green.

It's so good to have Korey home again.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Oh my

This week went to battle with me, and I'm not yet sure who won. Late nights and early mornings were the week long theme. I turned in 6 projects, had one major practical, and one major test, and I am spent like my last red cent, but this afternoon I pressed on. I made some oreos (recipe from smitten kitchen) for the class picnic tomorrow, because sometimes you just have to make time for fun. Some days weeks, you have to laugh so you don't cry. Even in all the mistakes I made this week, the master cast that broke when I took off the acrylic, the bread that would never rise and resembled a smooth white rock, the way that my sweet husband had no cell phone service the many times this week I really needed his shoulder to cry on, that when he finally did get service, I was too busy to really talk to him, there was still goodness in every day. I can feel my mind stretching to fit more latin words than I ever thought could fit it. I can see improvement in my hand skills. The handpiece used to feel so awkward and heavy in my hand, and although I still have so very far to go, it's starting to feel just right. I know this is what I was made to do, even if I'm not proficient at it yet, I am working hard, and that gives me so many reasons to smile. Sometimes I need to step back and look at how far I've come. Dental school is not for the faint of heart. Most days are a tug of war between failure and success. I often feel as if I am struggling just to keep my head above water, and then suddenly, if only for a moment, I feel as if I am swimming, and all my fears of sinking flitter away. I needed to write this down, to put this stake in the sand, because finals week is looming and I can already start to feel a tugging at my feet. 

So here is a toast to happy things:
to being happily married
to having a clean house and a made bed
to baking (both epic wins and epic failures)
To words like peduncle and homonculus
To realizing how beautifully complicated our minds and bodies are
To talking to my husband after four days of no cell service
To realizing that what used to take me 4 hours now takes me less than 1
To resting easy and having no fear
To soft music and candlelight
To air conditioning
To sweet dreams
To love
To life

This week went to battle with me, 
and I'm pretty sure I won.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I miss my best friend

It's a mystery how two lives can be woven together in marriage. The old bit, "two become one" keeps ringing in my ears. It's not as if I can't breathe or sleep or eat. I'm not talking about codependence here. I will even admit, at times, it can be nice to come home to a quiet house, to be independent, to be alone. But most times, I look forward to coming home, to share my day with his, to hug him tight and kiss, to love and be loved. It's the little things that well the sadness up in me. There have been little victories in breadmaking this week and little defeats in denture making and both cases have left me with the same thought.

I can't wait until Korey gets home. 

I just miss my best friend.

Go from me.  Yet I feel that I shall stand
Henceforth in thy shadow.  Nevermore
Alone upon the threshold of my door
Of individual life, I shall command
The uses of my soul, nor lift my hand
Serenely in the sunshine as before,
Without the sense of that which I forbore--
Thy touch upon the palm.  The widest land
Doom takes to part us, leaves thy heart in mine
With pulses that beat double.  What I do
And what I dream include thee, as the wine
Must taste of its own grapes.  And when I sue
God for myself, He hears that name of thine,
And sees within my eyes the tears of two.

-Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Saturday, July 17, 2010

What a week

Korey is out of town for a couple of weeks, so I've been trying hard to fill up the empty space he's temporarily left behind. Although next week will have to be a little less fun as there seems to be *ah hum* a little less funding *cough*....and this is how that happened.

The night Korey left, I went to a surprise party for two sweet friends of mine.

Nicole, a friend in my class made these awesome cupcakes from scratch. Too cute! I was so impressed.

(The one in the green shirt.)

We all waited at a local restaurant for Megan to get there. She was birthday girl #1.

She was so surprised!

And then we announced that we were celebrating Emily's birthday too. We had planned it so she thought she was just coming to a surprise party for Megan even though their birthdays are on the same day. Silly girl! I'm so glad it worked out!

I was sitting next to Emily, so luckily my friend Jessica got a good picture of her face when we revealed the surprise!

Please ignore how awful I look after an incredibly long day in the lab. 

The girl on the left is the one that set up the whole party and she so happens to be my neighbor. Such a sweetheart.

Then the next night we went to a hibachi restaurant for Emily's birthday. I didn't take a single picture. It was glorious to just relax and join in the fun. A lot of people from our class went bowling afterward, but I took my fanny home to study and I'm glad I did, because friday's test was incredibly challenging. The whole class agreed on that.

I may have taken a little study break on thursday to play with the puppies across the street. The little black puppy is my favorite, so sweet and tiny. They are available for adoption so if you're interested please comment. I know the owner is very motivated to sell. He may even be giving them away.

To cap off the week, last night I dressed up with some of my friends and we went to see Rocky Horror Picture Show! One of my very best friends, Kelley, came down to go with us and spent the night with me. It was wonderful to see her again and I only wish she could've stayed longer. It was definitely a new scene for me. I had only seen bits and pieces of the movie and it was a lot more graphic than I thought it would be. Still, it was a ton of fun to dress up as a character and bring props and the people watching was fantastic. Although I'm sure a few people looked my way too, but I prefer to think they were looking at Stella. She's the one with the cool super short hair. 

She tried to get me to wear this long blond wig, but I decided against it. It was fun to wear it for the few minutes I kept it on. I was just much more comfortable in my own skin with my original hair, although I must say the thought of going blond has certainly been on my mind lately. 

I worked hard and played hard this week, and now there is even more work to be done. I'm sure I'll find some way to sneak a little fun in too. I still miss seeing my best friend, but if I stay busy he'll be back before I know it.