Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Heart open, mouth closed

So the stressful part of this week is over and in reflection, it has been a tough week. I find myself a little disheartened about things I've said and done and my attitude in general.

When I play back so many moments in my head I realize that I have sounded bitter and crass and disgruntled in general. I apologize if you have had to witness any of the aforementioned sins. It is not fun to be around a person who seems unhappy all the time. In my defense, I have been severely lacking in sleep, exercise, and quality time with Korey and alone time. It is so much harder to stay positive, to stay patient, and to control my tongue when I am under stress, but that is no excuse. I came across a Bible verse from James that says that if a person thinks that he is religious but can't control his tongue, he is fooling himself. That person's religion is worthless. It really convicted me. I have not been controlling my tongue and I don't want my religion to be worthless, so I guess I had better start. I hope everyone that reads this knows that I am not a perfect person by any means. I am not always kind. I am not always loving, or fun to be around, or easy going. In fact, I am pretty sure my loving husband would probably describe me as the complete opposite of easy going, which in all honesty is probably why I was drawn to dentistry. I am a round character, not a flat one. I have tragic flaws. I struggle to try to be like Christ and sometimes I struggle because I'm not trying to be like Christ at all. Ultimately, I am thankful for grace and mercy and forgiveness, but I hope and plan to do better and to be better. I want to speak less and listen more, to do more and watch less, to be joyful in difficult times rather than bitter.

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