Sunday, November 21, 2010

Thanksgiving is a verb.

Ok so I know it's not really a verb. It's a noun, but its an action noun, and this weekend my house has been filled up with it. It's a good sweet life we're living and we should enjoy it and be thankful for it.

I used to be such a careful person. I never wanted to step on toes or upset anyone. I even went so far as to feel a little guilty when people were upset as if, in some way, I had done something wrong. (Please tell me I'm not the only one to ever do that....) I spent so much time trying to make everyone happy that I never was happy myself. Actually most of the time, the people I was trying to make happy didn't end up happy either, so we both lost. A little while ago, someone very near and dear to my heart had a cancer scare and it led me to think, as the thought of death often does, about what I am doing with my life. The answer I came up with was worrying. In many ways I'm still this way and I've been fighting it. Why is it such a struggle to be carefree, to lay down burdens but keep the work we've been given? Why is it so much easier to lay down everything and be lazy or take up everything and be miserable?

So much of my life has been wasted focusing on negativity and other people's opinions of me and what I'm doing and why they may or may not think I'm doing it. Trying to control everything only led me to focusing on all the things that were not within my control. Enough. No more. There is so much intrinsic stress in life. There is no need for any additions. Each day has enough worry of its own. This is not to say that it is ok to be careless with others feelings or only serve yourself, but it does mean that when you do something fun with the intention of being nice that the nay sayers can just go say nay to someone that cares. That someone is not going to be me.

I know my own heart and it is not to hurt anyone. If that is good enough for me, then it is good enough. As I said before, it's a good sweet life we've been given and I intend to enjoy it and be thankful for it. I may march to the beat of a different drum, but the rhythm is so upbeat. Who could keep their feet still? There are so many reasons to march on.

Waking up naturally with no alarm
Really cleaning the house
Cuddling with my husband and my sweet puppy
Hot chocolate with added marshmallows.
Fried turkey and all the fixins
Making things from scratch like doughnut holes. (epic fail) and no bake cookies (only a partial fail as I still ate 4 of them)
Hanging out with friends
Decorating a Thanksgiving table
Having two Thanksgivings with more on the horizon
Packing to go home
Listening to "One Day" by Matisyahu on repeat
and being reminded that there are so many things I have to be thankful for

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